Warning[edit | edit source]
This may have some drug references and mature themes! DOVEWING IS HIGH! She's probably drunk too... who know's what she's on... o.o
Prologue[edit | edit source]
It was a dark, moonlit night. Dew glistened on the trees around the Moonpool as cats slipped into the sacred water and disappeared. The water turned purple and rippled unnaturally as each cat went into its depths.
"What are we doing here again?" Cinderheart asked Ivypool as they stood on the water's edge.
"Dunno," the silver and white tabby she-cat replied.
"We're going into the portal, you mouse-brains," Willowshine mewed.
"Ummm... I think it's called... a... citee."
"WOW COOL!" shrieked Dovewing, sauntering up to them. "DOES IT HAVE CATMINT?!!!"
"Ummm... how about you go look for some when we get there," Ivypool mewed, steering her sister towards the water. She gave Ivypool an apologetic look and plunged into the water, taking Dovewing with her. Soon, all the Clan cats were gone from the side of the pool. And where they ended up was not good. They were surrounded by huge TwoLeg nests. A skinny grey cat wearing a purple and shiny silver skin came out from behind something that looked like a miniature Carrionplace in a shiny metal thing and wandered up to them.
"I'm NaNundefined," the cat mewed, curving the corners of her- was it a she-cat?- mouth up in a weird expression that looked like she was happy. "Welcome to the real world."
Chapter 1[edit | edit source]
Ivypool froze. The 'real world'... What's that? she thought.
"OMG NANNY! I LOVE THIS PLACE!" Dovewing yowled. "WHERE'S YOUR CATMINT?"
"I'll show you something better," mewed NaNundefined. She rummaged through the shiny Carrionplace and pulled out a strange cylinder filled wit liquid that grew thinner at the top.
"It's called beer," she hissed. "Try some."
Dovewing grabbed the beer off NaNundefined and stuck her tongue inside the cylinder.
"THIS IS GREA..." she mewed before she vomited.
"Lovely," Poppyfrost mewed sarcastically. "Very civilised."
"Civilised?" NaNundefined mewed, puzzled.
"Nevermind," Poppyfrost mewed exasperantly. "So... where's your den?"
"You mean my apartment?" NaNundefined corrected her. "It's up there." She motioned her tail towards the closest giant TwoLeg nest. "Come on, let's go."
Chapter 3[edit | edit source]
They walked for what seemed like ages until they found themselves at a strange red barrier. Weird, brightly coloured circles that stuck out about a quarter of a mouse length from the barrier's surface with black etchings adorned the right side of it.
"You press it with your paw," NaNundefined explained before doing so. The doors opened and ThunderClan spilled into a small, silver space.
"Wait here," NaNundefined instructed the other Clans. "It will be your turn to go into the lift in a few minutes."
"A Lift... what's that?" Leopardstar asked cautiously.
"It's threatening!" Onestar yowled. "WindClan, retreat!" And that was when all the WindClan cats were squashed by a massive truck.
"Minutes?" Blackstar cocked his head to one side, not noticing the squashed bodies on the Thunderpath that were still twitching.
"A form of time that the humans use."
"Nevermind," the skinny grey she... well, maybe not a she-cat mewed exasperantly.
The doors closed and Ivypool panicked. Even Dovewing flattened her ears and hissed.
"Do you have TwoLegs?" Sandstorm asked.
"TwoLegs? Oh, you mean the humans? No... they can't own me," NaNundefined scoffed. "I pretend to be a human so I can live in the apartment."
The room starting flying upwards. Ivypool was thrown against a shiny wall and hissed in displeasure as pain seared through her ribs.
"WOAHMYSTARCLAN!" screeched Jayfeather, She felt for the blind tom. But his face softened and he closed his eyes. For a meenu... - minute? -She thought she could see a starry white cat wreath around him, her green eyes soothing. But when she blinked the cat was gone.
"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Dovewing yowled. Sandstorm slapped a paw over Dovewing's mouth and looked at Birchfall expectantly. Birchfall just shrugged.
"She's not mine," he mewed.
"I'll call the Department Of Clan Services on you if you don't send her to rehab!" screeched Sandstorm. She looked like she was ready to rip Birchfall apart. Suddenly, there was a loud "DING!" and the lift doors slid open. Cats peeled themselves off the walls and sauntered towards the entrance. Leafpool's body was twisted around a bar. NaNundefined pressed another button on the lift and the lift went down, sending a yowling Leafpool with it.
"What? NaNundefined mewed. "Nobody likes her anyway."
"True, true." Everyone shrugged, even Jayfeather, Lionblaze and Hollyleaf.
"But she's your mom!" Squirrelflight mewed.
"Yeah, well you pretended to be our mom for most of our life, so don't you talk," Hollyleaf drawled.