User:Jackleface/Fanfictions Reviews

Hey, I'm new here, but my name is Jackelface, but you can call me Jackel for short. Anyways, what I want to do here is write a review page for fanfictions. These can be ones on here, on fanfiction.net, or anywhere. You guys can suggest some as well. One thing I want to get out in the open; I'm harsh, but a good harsh. I won't flame anyone, but I will crack down on certain things. I'm also a tad grammar nazi, but I won't mention anything like that unless its REALLY BAD. I try to make in funny as to keep your attention as well :D So anyways, I'll do my first review so you guys know what to expect :)

Fanfiction: Darkest Stars by World of Make Believe (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5608889/1/Darkest_Stars)

We are greeted in the fanfiction with the usual alligiances, and strangely no prologue, which I am accustomed to when reading a fanfiction of any kind. But its good to mix things up in a while, so this is actually quite enjoyable.

The first cat we meet is Blazeclaw, who seems to resemble Lionblaze (Who might I mention is missing from the story entirely!) in attitude, as we meet him in the Dark Forest, and he is reminding himself that he is going to be the best warrior ''in the world. ''Interesting. I hope this doesn't go Mary Sue on me.

Oh no. Its turned slightly Mary Sue. And I've only just read the first chapter.

Blazeclaw has met a rogue within the Dark Forest and knows he is better than her. He has learned the lesson of patience (Somehow?) from which Brownpatch has not. There are soul eaters, described as eating the souls of those who get lost. Interesting, sorta, though I always assumed many cats got lost in a forest with no paths or landmarks. But I'm not the author.

Anyways, Brownfur mentions the prophecy, of which we know nothing about, and Blazeclaw can't figure out how she knows. Blazeclaw has some small talk with her though, commenting that the clans are getting better, from what were they hurt, you ask? I don't know yet.

Then there is Hawkfrost. He arrives in the scene, shooing Brownpatch away with a thwack to the head. He turns to Blazeclaw and, get this, ''cowers to the ground like a little kitten. ''He is afraid of Blazeclaw because of some prophecy. I remember Hawkfrost taunting Lionblaze, the all-powerful cat who can't be hurt, because he didn't believe in a prophecy. The chapter ends with Blazeclaw waking up and going to talk with his sister, Amberfire.

Chapter Two:

A new POV, Amberfire, as mentioned previously. After reading about half way through, I realize, SHE IS CRAZY. She thinks pride is a sin. Sins? In ''Warrior Cats? ''There are no such things as sins, there is breaking the warrior code. She also refuses to eat the whole day, because its the beginning of Leaf Bare and everyone else needs to be fed first; she's even got it in her head that senior warriors can't catch as much prey as her. She sounds like Hollyleaf to me. Which means, that if Blazeclaw is Lionblaze, Amberfire is Hollyleaf, and their other sister, Goldenleaf I'm pretty sure, is Jayfeather. Oh, and Amberfire and her siblings have powers.

I'm scared for this Fanfiction.

When Amberfire returns from hunting, she greets her siblings, and they start talking about a scrawny little fox, probably starving. Amberfire thinks they should warn the clan, but her quiet sister, Goldenleaf, says its too small and she thought it was near the hotsprings, a location in ThunderClan territory. No sooner had she said that, Branchfoot, a warrior, stumbles into the camp, covered in blood from the fox.

Grade: B

Grammer: It was actually pretty good A

Mary Sue-ness: C+

Enjoyablity: It was a good read, very detailed, but there were a lot of questions. B

Overall grade: B it was a good fanfic for what its worth, I would reccomend to read it one day.