Lying From You: Forestsun's Fury

''When I pretend everything is what I want it to be I look exactly like what you had always wanted to see When I pretend, I can't forget about the criminal I am Stealing second after second just cause I know I can but I can't pretend this is the way it'll stay I'm just (trying to fend the truth) I can't pretend I'm who you want me to be, so I'm''

"Forestsun!" I hear my mother calling me from inside the nursery. I'm outside, tail curled around my tiny dark gray paws, gazing at the beautiful gold autumn leaves and swaying to the wind. "Forestsun!" My mother's voice is as sharp as the thorns on the dying rose, and suddenly I'm being snatched up, by my back fur; not even my scruff! and thrown into the dark den. My father glowers up at me, amber eyes shining with anger as I cower under him. He strikes me across the face and sticks his muzzle in my face, snarling, "Quit being a dreamer, Forestun. This is reality. Stop being such a romantic." I feel blood stream down the gash beside my face as he shoves me roughly toward my mother.

''[Chorus:] (Lying my way from you) No no turning back now (I wanna be pushed aside so let me go) No no turning back now (Let me take back my life,I'd rather be all alone) No turning back now (Anywhere on my own cause I can see) No no turning back now (The very worst part of you is me)''

My mother nips my ear until it draws blood as I scream, and glares at me as if I'm some huge disappointment to her - well, to them, I am. I'm the son of a banished Clan cat and male rogue... I'm suppose to be ruthless. I wish I could tell them I'd much rather stare up at the sky, observing clouds, instead of savoring the pain they inflict on me. My mother's dark gray pelt, identical to mine, is marred with scars as she growls at me, "No food until you learn, stupid kit." Tears dribble down my face and I scutter outside, hiding in the ferns until they find me and hurt me again.

I hide as long as I can.

''I remember what they taught to me Remember condescending talk of who I ought to be Remember listening to all of that and this again So I pretended up a person who was fittin' in And now you think this person really is me and I'm (Trying to fend the truth) But the more I push the more I'm pulling away 'cause I'm''

"Forestsun! Kill it already!" I hear my mother's outraged screech as I poise over the kittypet, claws outstretched over its terrorized face. I hear my father snarl, "You need to learn, fool. Murder it! Feel the blood run down your claws, enjoy its screams!" I have no choice, because if I don't, I'm sure my parents will kill me. I have no doubt. I slice my claws downward, cutting through the kittypet's airway as it falls limp, blood pooling around it in a circle, a moonbeam shining on its glazed blue eyes.

''[Chorus:] (Lying my way from you) No no turning back now (I wanna be pushed aside so let me go) No no turning back now (Let me take back my life I'd rather be all alone) No turning back now (Anywhere on my own cause I can see) No no turning back now (The very worst part of you) (The very worst part of you is ME)''

Moons later, I meet a she-cat. She's utterly beautiful, a dappled silver she-cat with glowing violet eyes that gleam whenever she sees me. I hunt with her when I'm not hiding from my parents, and her name is Shimmer. Today I am meeting her on the edge of the forest and Twoleg Place. I slink out and see her hiding against a house. Shimmer runs to me presses her pelt against mine. "Forestsun," she says. "Where are we going today?" And we hunt and hunt and hunt, until one day she tells me she loves me, and I tell her it back, but I don't mean it. Not at all.

My parents had constantly told me never to trust, never to love, told me over and over again with blows on my head before I understood it. I don't even remember how I used to be. . . I'm like a mask. I cover myself, which is hollow, and make it so other cats see it how they want to. Except, I think, my defensive mask has become permanent.

I use Shimmer to be my mask.

''This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would have you running from me Like This This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would have you running from me Like This This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would have you running from me Like This This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would have you running from me Like This''

I ran away a few weeks later, escaping my abusive parents and having to lie to Shimmer. But what's the point? I'm an empty shell, completely hollow of emotions. I don't understand where this is coming from. My dreams? When I wake up, I'm the same... unfeeling, cold.

I can never love.

I can never die, for I am never truly alive.

''[Chorus:] (You) No turning back now (I wanna be pushed aside so let me go) No no turning back now (Let me take back my life I'd rather be all alone) No turning back now (Anywhere on my own cause I can see) No no turning back now (The very worst part of you) (The very worst part of you is me)''

I am ruined.