Lifeblood

Prologue
My name is Shinestorm. I did many terrible things when I was alive, and I still grieve in my heart, though I am long dead.

You want to know my story? I warn you, it is not for the faint hearted. I did some awful things, and I am not proud of them. I was lucky to be in StarClan. Some say I deserve to be here, others say I shouldn't.

Beware, my tale is unpleasant, as I say. I wish you well.

Judge me as you will.

Chapter One
"Shinestorm, concentrate!" Chestnutbreeze snapped me out of my daydream.

"Sorry..." My best friend purred with laughter, and I joined her. Suddenly, she stopped. Her eyes went wide, and fearfully she whispered

"Look behind you..." I slowly turned around, and realised what she was scared of. It was Silentstar. He was a ghostly looking cat, he had faded grey fur, and dark eyes that you could never quite tell the colour of. A long scar circled his eye, and ran down his face, just cutting through his nose. The only colour pigment was his black paw; it never faded.

"What are you two laughing about?" His voice was low, and always sinister. "I want you to come hunting, Shinestorm. With me. I'll be waiting by the exit." He stalked off, and I gulped, looking fearfully at my friend. Rumours were that, in the past, Silentstar had murdered cats, for fun, or because he didn't like them. No cat wanted to displease him, for fear of death. I was hardly going to get myself killed by this mad, evil leader by refusing to hunt with him.

"Wish me luck!" I laughed, nervously. Chestnutbreeze looked worried.

"Good luck, my friend. Don't do anything stupid," Chestnutbreeze dipped her head, and went back to sorting her herbs. I took a deep breath, and strided over to where the cruel leader waited, impatiently.

"Saying goodbye, are we? Why do you think that will be needed?" I concentrated on my breathing, and ignored his taunting.

"It looks like it might rain," I mentioned, keeping my voice level, calm. "We'd better get going." The leader narrowed his dark eyes.

"Yes. We'd better."

Chapter Two
As we neared the gorge, the first rain began to fall. We'd had quite a successful hunt so far, but even so, Silentstar's mood was foul. "We should turn back," I suggested. "This rain is only going to get heavier." He narrowed his eyes at me, and I felt a shiver of fear run down my spine.

"Should we? Maybe we have things to discuss. Why do you think I brought you out when I knew it was going to rain? I didn't want to be overheard, followed, or be in a bright and happy mood with the sun. I hate the sun. I despise niceties. A storm is the only weather for me." I gulped, frozen to the spot, the rain now more than a drizzle, soaking my fur.

"What is there to discuss? You're a mad cat in a position of power! I'm surprised you were ever loved." I said, snidely. The rain was pounding the ground, the sky dark. He seemed to recoil, and hissed loudly in my ear so I could be sure to hear over the rain.

"How dare you make comments about my mate! She left me, that is why I am mad, as you all say! You make comments about me, all of you, you think I don't hear? I don't give a mouse dung what you think of me! My only family is weak, she may as well be dead too!" I shivered at that statement, the rain the only thing to be heard for a moment. I wonder who his family could be? I decided to push him; I was angry at him already for his attitude towards me.

"Who is this family you speak of? I never knew you had siblings!" He looked as if the storm in the sky was in his face, his dark eyes were wild, his face a picture of rage. I had never seen a cat so angry.

"You know nothing about me!" he screeched, partly out of rage, partly so he could be heard. "Nothing! I have no brothers, nor sisters, you stupid kit! I have one daughter, she hates me, and I hate her! She is weak, weak minded, weak muscled, weak at everything! She is no warrior! She is not even fit to be my daughter! She couldn't kill to save her life!" I flinched. Why does it seem he's talking to me? I wondered for a second too long; he was at my throat. I felt his musky breath on my face as I tried not to run, to yowl.

"You! You know nothing! I am surprised. You truly do not know, do you?" It was a statement, not a question. I was scared for my life, and scared at his tone; it was sharply soft, like a knife waiting to stike. I shook my head fractionally, and he laughed manically, releasing me from his grasp.

"Shinestorm, I am your father."

Chapter Three
I let the rain soak my skin, my fur dripping. ''No... How? I don't understand''

"You can't be my father!" I shouted. "And if so, I am as disappointed with you for being an awful father, as you are with me for being the best warrior I can!" His face darkened.

"How dare you insult my parenting, you worthless mite!" Something snapped within me, and all the pent up anger from his taunting surged forth, clouding my judgement.

"How dare you insult my warrior skills!" I lashed out at him once, feeling my claws hit their target. He laughed, insanely, and I slashed again, and again.

"Who do you think you are?" I felt the blood run down my claws as the rain diluted it. The blood had stained his faded fur, as the rain beat down, the mud and the blood merging as one. Subconciously, I noticed we were very near the gorge edge.

"Go on then. Prove you're not as worthless as you are. Hurt me." His taunting released a new wave of anger within me, and, claws sharp, I hit him square in the chest. Blood splashed to the ground, rain streaking his pelt. He smiled, madly, and tipped, backward, slowly, into the gorge. I gasped, and ran to the edge, only to me him fallling, still laughing. The rain was so heavy, I could hardly see anything, but the splash where he hit the water. Blood flowed down the stream. He must have hit a rock! I realised, a sinking feeling in my stomach.

As I turned back to go to camp, his last words ran through my head, chilling me more than the rain.

"This is my last life, you fool!"

Chapter Four
''I killed Silentstar. I killed my father in cold blood.'' I wandered back into camp, soaked and miserable. I clambered up onto the highrock, as some cats poked their heads out of their warm, dry dens to see what was happening. "My Clanmates," I started, knowing I had to tell them Silentstar was dead. "Silentstar is dead." There was a moment of pause and disbelief, and then cheering erupted through the Clan.

They were happy that the tyrant leader was dead, I knew that. I was glad they didn't know the truth. I heard a cat shout "StarClan be with you, Ravenstar!" He was our new leader, we all hoped he'd be better than Silentstar. I just wished I hadn't killed him in cold blood, even if by accident.

I went the palce, the friend I knew would understand. "Chestnutbreeze? I need to talk." The familiar voice of the medicine cat welcomed me in, and as always, I was greeted by the leafy scent of her den.

"What brings you here, Shinestorm? I sense something troubling you." The medicine cat had always been good at sensing feelings, today was no different. I gulped, sadness and a feeling I couldn't name clouded my vision.

"I killed him, Chestnutbreeze! It was an accident, I swear, and-" She hushed me; I was going to ramble.

"I know," she soothed. "The Clan will be better without him, and it was an accident after all. He provoked you?" I nodded mutely. She made a thoughtful expression, and I murmered, quietly,

"He was my father." Chestnutbreeze nodded; she knew! How did she know? I cleared my thoughts, of course she knew, she was the medicine cat.

Then her face turned dark, and she quietly warned me, "Don't grieve too much; sadness can equate to madness." I had no idea what she meant, but I knew that I had done a terrible thing, and she was not going to be sypathetic.

"Thanks a lot." I hissed, shoving past her to storm out of camp. I sat in the rain, and watched it fall down around me.

Chapter Five
I felt alone. I had been to the gorge often the past few days, contemplating what I had done. Murder shakes you. To the core. I felt like my heart had become a blackened rock inside me, incapable of feeling. A cold breeze blew, I still felt nothing but guilt, and betrayal. Something had changed, permanantly within me, and I was never going to trust anyone ever as I had done.

My paws led me to my best friend's den. Or was she? I couldn't tell anymore. I could hardly tell real from dream. She looked at me, sadly, as if I had done some terrible thing.

"I though you were glad he's dead!" This overwhelming sense of anger and betrayal overcame me, and something snapped. "I thought you were my friend, I thought you were supposed to care!" Her usually gentle expression had turned into one of worry, but my mind twisted it into one of hatred, and anger.

"Shinestorm, please, calm down. You will hurt yourself if you continue like this. Please, my friend, don't do this." She was telling me to calm down? She knew nothing

"I won't hurt myself...No, I'll hurt you instead." I stalked forward, and she backed into the wall. She was afraid.

"Oh, StarClan, save my soul," she whispered, barely audible.

"StarClan can't save you now. StarClan are for dead cats. Or are they?" She was shaking gently, and I was quivering, tense, alert.

"Shinestorm, please. You don't know what you're doing. You're not in your right mind." That drove me over the edge. I screeched, near silently and before I was aware of anything, my claws were buried deep in the medicine cat's chest, redness spreading quickly through her light chestnut fur, like ink spreading across a page.

Her washed out green eyes rolled back as my claws dripped, dripped, dripped...

Chapter Six
A drizzle was spitting lightly, making the deadly waters of the gorge ripple and converge together. The waves of an ocean, dragging everything under into the depths of itself, so you are left seeing the surface far above you, knowing you are never to resurface in this life. I knew this.

I was not suspected of Chestnutbreeze's murder; I had washed my claws in the small stream that cut through the back of her den, so all the blood flowed far away. I then raced out, "Chestnutbreeze has been murdered!" Ravenstar, knowing some of medicine, decided that some unfortunate cat had murdered her. He was exiled, and never seen again. Not even in StarClan.

I sat vigil, all night, weeping for what had been lost. I had lost a part of myself killing Silentstar, and it had unleashed and evil, unseen part of me that had taken it's wrath on Chestnutbreeze. My only friend. I was lost. And as the sunrise came, and the drizzle did not cease, I knew that the new light of the sun symbolised what I must do. I had to rid my Clan of Silentstar's evil. Forever.

In my mind, Chestnutbreeze's voice had told me something. She was closer to me than any other cat, and Silentstar too. It deepened my guilt, now I had killed my father, and my mother. And yet she told me that I was, and I should remember that I was always and completely forgiven. It made me sure of how to end this.

Everything was a glowing orange, and damp, the endless light rain soaking everything. Then the glow flickered, and the rain grew more dense. I was sure of myself now, and skipped to the inevitable. The gorge. I sat for a moment, contemplating what I had to do. I would lose myself forever to find myself, I would be unseen to be seen. I would stop this cruel, nasty part of myself rotting the heart of the Clan. I stood slowly, and turned.

I jumped.