Talk:Tribe of Rushing Water~ Feather's Story/@comment-4192528-20110807010348/@comment-3155630-20110807142602

You have some grammar mistakes, and at the prologue I thought you could have described the scene a bit better, but this is really good. You should also have put commas in some places, here are some examples:

"Yes I see," mewed a black she-cat with deep blue eyes, "Good spotting Feather!". <--- It seems she's a bit stern with the words "Yes I see," like she doesn't really care, but the says, "Good spotting Feather!". I would put a little more enthusiasm, like, '''"I see it, Feather!" mewed a black she-cat with deep blue eyes. Nice eye."'''. You should have also put a comma after "Yes".

Oh, and "good night" is one word. Goodnight.