User talk:Leopardclawxx/How to give a Critique

Lilly's Critique
Potatocloud walked into the camp. "hello donkeyheart" she said. "hello potatoclod" she replied. "oh are you eating prey"

"yes I am do you want soem?" Potatocloud had a full belly and then they went to go hunt some more. Magnumstar stopped them and said "hiw are you two. are you going hunting?" potatocloud smiled and said "yes we are. do you want to come?" inndubitally, Magnumsatr said yes.

They wenat back to camp and went to sleep. potatocloud dreamed she was flying. Then suddenly she fell, and gotted imapaled on a spikey rock. She was dead.

She woke up and she was dead too. then Magnumstar and donkeyheart were sad.

Critique
Okay, I'll start off with the fact of capitalizing. You should capitalize the prefix of Clan names, and the first word of speech! Read a Warriors book and look at how the Erins do it if you like. Also, spelling mistakes. Spelling mistakes like "soem" are quite common, so I recommend using a dictionary. It sure helped me at times. Punctuation: You MUST put a piece of punctuation just before closing your speech marks. I would recommend using a full stop or exclamation mark. Please use more description! It makes a story more exciting, which can also help avoid using bland words like sad. So, use a thesaurus and be creative. Sudden dying is NOT fun. And you need to make sure your writing makes sense. A cat can't "wake up" to find she was dead. The fact that they wake up "in StarClan." might help that. And it's "gotten" not "gotted." Pluralization is actually rather important, so try using a dictionary for that. I'll give this a 5. Sorry if this offends you. (Sorry Leo.) User:Lilly Lovegood(2)