Warriors Share Wiki:Create/Fanfiction Reviews and Suggestions

Snowsong's Secret
This is my favorite story in the Moonlight Series, and this one took much longer than the others. I do have some comments, but not from a large variety of users. I hope you like it! NightfernThe Ferns of Night 01:52, January 23, 2011 (UTC)


 * 8- Great plot, kept me sucked in for a while. Something about it's overall aura- probably the lack of an overall series plot- doesn't seem to make it deserve a 10 to me... but overall, GOOD. Keep writing! ForestSpotted Newts! 00:07, February 8, 2011 (UTC)


 * Haha, it wasn't originally a series, so that's why it's screwed up. Especially the first and second one. It was actually written in 20 "stories" about 1 chapter, before you were here, and based on boring Clan life. So that's why it gets that score. Thanks! I think I'll start a new one... Nightfern2,000 Edits on Warriors Share Wiki! 00:50, February 8, 2011 (UTC)
 * 9- It has a great storyline, the characters are well developed, and like Forest said, it really sucks you in. I loved it! Although, I got a bit confused about the whole Ripplepaw thing. I couldn't tell what kind of role he plays in the story. Shadey  Set Fire to the Wind...  16:36, August 2, 2011 (UTC) Shadewing

Set in Stone ~ Suggestions
First book of the EarthQuake series... I need suggestions! Also, what do you personally think is going to happen based on the information given so far? ForestSpotted Newts! 00:07, February 8, 2011 (UTC)


 * shrieks* I love this one! I have some suggestions; in the very first chapter, it's a bit confusing with who's-protecting-who. The spelling is fine, grammar descriptive, and an overall amazing plot. I give it an overall of 8. And I have no idea what's going to happen (xD) Nightfern2,000 Edits on Warriors Share Wiki! 00:47, February 8, 2011 (UTC)


 * I thought that would be confusing. Oh well, it makes you keep reading for conformation. ForestSpotted Newts! 01:52, February 8, 2011 (UTC)


 * I like it a lot, but the only thing that doesn't make sense to me is that if Quakepaw is a chosen one should she already know how to control all 4 elements? Other than that I give it a 7. DustpeltA Wikia Contributor


 * She has to learn them. Aang wasn't born just knowing the elements by instinct, xD. nightfern♥Love is in the air♥20:49, February 8, 2011 (UTC)

Suspicions ~ Suggestions and Reviews
I'm currently in the middle of the third chapter, I just wanted to know if theres anything I'm doing that could be better. DustpeltA Wikia Contributor 13:47, February 8, 2011 (UTC)


 * "Get up Seapaw! Nightshadow and Featherheart are waiting for us! We can't them mad." Said Berrypaw. My first tip would be to change grammar like that- the 'said' should be all lowercase. Also, names like Swamp-paw should have a hyphen so readers can distinguish the difference (Just a suggestion there). Otherwise, I like it! Overall, it's a 7. ForestSpotted Newts! 20:35, February 8, 2011 (UTC)


 * I completely agree. "Silence Nightshadow! If you really want to become powerful you will listen to me and not question me!" For some reason, this sentence sounds really stiff and strange. I suggest putting a comma before "you" and put "Do not question me!" as its own sentence. Nightshadow approached and growled . This sentence should also have a comma after "growled". I also strongly say you should re-read the story as it's written; for example This is my friend Twigpaw from StarClan and I am Maplepaw. This sentence sounds rushed. Try adding commas throughout the whole story. Otherwise, I do like it! 7. nightfern♥Love is in the air♥20:46, February 8, 2011 (UTC)


 * Ok thanks for the tips guys! But I though that you said here; http://warriorsshare.wikia.com/wiki/User:Nightfern/Fanfiction_Tips that the first word after the words spoken should always be a capital. DustpeltA Wikia Contributor


 * Oh, haha I didn't explain it right. If the cat/person makes a move after they talk (like, smile), it should be capitalized. When they say something, it's not. Thanks for pointing that out. I'll go fix that now. nightfern♥Love is in the air♥21:35, February 8, 2011 (UTC *CBA? Nightfern ♥ Kate and Will forever ♥ 19:40, May 4, 2011 (UTC)


 * I still don't think that's right. I need to confirm this: which ones of these are correct?
 * A.) "I love you!" said Monty.


 * B.) "I love you!" Said Monty.


 * C.) "I love you too!" smiled Buttercup.


 * D.) "I love you too!" Smiled Buttercup. I know that A is correct. xD. C has questionable actions. B and D are just... wrong... omg no... xD. April showers bring May flowers ☼ May flowers bring pilgrims


 * &nbsp Okay, let me clear this up. I meant it as, "I love you!" said Monty with a smile. lol. ☼ Nightfern ☽ Sun and Moon

Goldenflower's Love ~ Suggestions and Reviews
This is the first book in the Twilight Series. Nothing much left to say. Warriors Share Wiki UserOttersplash or Goldenflower 21:05, February 8, 2011 (UTC)


 * Haha... I helped you tremendously with this... can't say it was perfect before you edited it... lol. I love it! But since you and I share the same series, I can say some things: I think that ThunderClan's screwed because 2 she-cats broke the love code. But I give it an 8. nightfern♥Love is in the air♥21:38, February 8, 2011 (UTC)


 * Yeah, I guess I'll give you some credit for helping me on the story! But thanks for the eight (8)! Warriors Share Wiki UserOttersplash or Goldenflower 00:05, February 9, 2011 (UTC)


 * Very good! :) 8 out of 10 for grammar and sentence structure and stuff like that. ForestSpotted Newts! 00:59, February 9, 2011 (UTC)
 * :D I spell checked it on email for her. LOL. But she wrote it. Nightfern ♥ Kate and Will forever ♥ 19:41, May 4, 2011 (UTC)

SnowClan's Song - Suggestions and Reviews
Yes, shoot me. I know I haven't worked on it recently...but life has been really hellish. I also lost my muse recently. But, it's back and I should be fixing it up soon. --Phillies PhanRed and White 16:36, May 5, 2011 (UTC)


 * 9. Amazing. No comments... ☼ Nightfern ☽ Sun and Moon


 * Only one tiny thing - 'Are you okay, Hollypaw?" Asked Lionblaze' this sentence should have asked in lower case. Otherwise, fantastic, 9. Leo  pard  claw I’m a  warrior  now! 06:20, June 2, 2011 (UTC)


 * I really like this story. It deserves a 9. Awesome job Cloudy! ❃  Rainey   ❃  Warm days means Spring  13:17, June 5, 2011 (UTC)

Amber Eyes in the Dark - Suggestions and Reviews
It's the first story in The Rise series and it took me ages. I'm really proud of this. What do you all think? LeopardclawEyes watching in the Dark… 12:06, May 31, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry to ask for comments, but is no-one going to comment or read Amber Eyes in the Dark? Leo pard  claw I’m a  warrior  now! 07:58, July 15, 2011 (UTC)

The Garden - Suggestions and Reviews
All I can say is... I worked my butt off on planning this and advertising. So I sure hope it's good. April showers bring May flowers ☼ May flowers bring pilgrims 19:36, May 31, 2011 (UTC)
 * 9. It was confusing at the beginning; you don't know what's happening and who's Marshpaw and everything, but maybe that's the way its suppose to be. Amazing text, structure, and overall plot. Awesome story! Keep it up.   night    fern    13:26, June 10, 2011 (UTC)

Broken Tides - Suggestions and Reviews
Been thinking about writing this one for a month now... It's on Warriors Fanfiction Wiki too. Read and see what you think! - ♫Millie♫ It’s getting cold outside... 05:45, June 2, 2011 (UTC) 21:20, June 1, 2011 (UTC)


 * I like this a lot. I could only see one spelling mistake, rogue, but other than that it's great. I'm giving it an 8. Leo  pard  claw I’m a  warrior  now! 06:20, June 2, 2011 (UTC)


 * Thanks. Yeah, I do that mistake HEAPS.

Chosen- Suggestions and Reviews
I just want to put his up before I leave, I just want to see what people say (Hehe fail me), and I might fix it over at WFW (p.s Hi :3)  Hetalia  Epic show, go Russia 22:50, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

I think this is really good! There are a few missing ' s and some i instead of I s, but overall it had a good storyline and I give it a 7. Leo pard  claw I’m a  warrior  now! 06:26, June 3, 2011 (UTC)

The Ultimate WSW Story- Suggestions and Reviews
Just started, and it's not very good, but what do you all think? Fea ther  Mew?  21:17, July 14, 2011 (UTC)Feathermoon


 * This is awesome! I loved how you featured everyone... it makes it interactive! This really is the Ultimate WSW Story! I'm giving it an 8 and a half (because there's a few spelling/grammar mistakes).- Sunrise over  sea  06:20, July 15, 2011 (UTC)


 * 8. I really love this. I agree there are some spelling and grammar mistakes, but you or a spellchecker can always go over it. Night  fern 4000 Edits, Suckers! 15:08, July 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * Wow, thanks guys! I'm not a very good judger at percentage, but I'm guessing thats a pretty high rate, out of 10 of course! Anyway, i'm going to see if I can go get some spell checkers for it. Fea  ther  Mew?  19:50, July 30, 2011 (UTC)Feathermoon

Rogue's Legacy- Suggestions and reviews
The correct spelling according to the Australian Maquarie Dictionary is rogue- If it has a different spelling in your country I'm sorry, but this is the way I learnt it. I've noticed a lot of people like the story, so here it is! - Sunrise over  sea  00:00, July 15, 2011 (UTC)

The Steps of a Warrior - Suggestions and Reviews
The second story in The Rise series, and I'm just getting up to the exciting bit too! I'd suggest reading Amber Eyes in the Dark first, but it might make sense without. Leo pard  claw I’m a  warrior  now! 18:02, July 20, 2011 (UTC)

If I Survived: Spottedleaf's Story
It is what would have happened if she hadn't been killed by Clawface .-Hazeleye


 * Hazeleye, I had to fix up this post. Remember to sign your posts with four tildes (~s). There's some incorrect grammar here and there but it's a pretty good story! I'm giving it a 7. Millie-   200 edits!  21:19, July 27, 2011 (UTC)


 * I just fixed a few grammar mistakes i found like a typed again twice and said lied when I should have said lay Hazeleye 14:59, July 28, 2011 (UTC)Hazeleye


 * 7. There's still some spelling mistakes, lack of periods, some of the sentences don't flow, and some of the wording can be improved, and some of the sentences are to fast (e.g. "I hope our kits will be as beautiful as you" He licked his mates ears before he heard the words of his mate. "THE KITS ARE COMING!" Spottedleaf yowled.). Otherwise, it's a good story with lots of potential. :) Night  fern 4000 Edits, Suckers! 15:07, July 30, 2011 (UTC)
 * 6. There is still quite alot of mistakes, like Nightfern has said above. But mabye a more less screamy description of ("THE KITS ARE COMING!" Spottedleaf yowled.) could be, "The kits are coming!" Spottedleaf screetched loudly. Then it wouldn't be put in as over-use of uppercase letter, or thats what I would see it as, but as well as follow the suggestions of Nightfern. ;) Fea  ther  Mew?  19:54, July 30, 2011 (UTC)Feathermoon
 * 6. There is still quite alot of mistakes, like Nightfern has said above. But mabye a more less screamy description of ("THE KITS ARE COMING!" Spottedleaf yowled.) could be, "The kits are coming!" Spottedleaf screetched loudly. Then it wouldn't be put in as over-use of uppercase letter, or thats what I would see it as, but as well as follow the suggestions of Nightfern. ;) Fea  ther  Mew?  19:54, July 30, 2011 (UTC)Feathermoon

Crowfeather's Second Chance~ Suggestions and Reveiws
Alot of people seem to like this story, and it has spellcheckers, as well as me going with grammer and spelling, so there shouldnt be very many mistakes. I try and correct them as I go along, but you know...sometimes I get all bored and don't check it like a good little girl. xD Suggestions and Reveiws and grades? Fea ther  Mew?  19:58, July 30, 2011 (UTC)Feathermoon

One Year Later ~ Suggestions and Reviews
I <3 this story. What do you guys think of it? 13:47, July 31, 2011 (UTC)

9. Im so impressed by the spelling, personallities of the cats, and the relations of the actual books. The only thing i notice, is Berryboes isn't arrogant. Is it becuase Poppyfrost turned him soft? Fea ther  Mew?  03:11, August 1, 2011 (UTC)Feathermoon

Yeah. xD He'll gert arrogant soon though, when he learns Poppyfrost is expecting kits. xD 03:13, August 1, 2011 (UTC)

Oh no! Wouldn't he be pleased? Fea ther  Mew?  03:14, August 1, 2011 (UTC)Feathermoon

Berrynose is really arrogant when he first becomes a warrior, in my opinion. But back to the review! I love the way you put modern elements into this story so cleverly. I liked the way you got the audience involved, too. I'm also giving it a 9. Millie 300 edits! 08:02, August 2, 2011 (UTC)

9. Great job. Night fern 4000 Edits, Suckers! 01:43, August 4, 2011 (UTC)

Dawn ~ Suggestions and Reviews
This is my first story in Rising Thunder Series. What do you think? Shadey  Set Fire to the Wind... 15:19, August 2, 2011 (UTC) Shadewing


 * This is a great story! I like the interesting plot and the idea of the Sun Rogues. There was only one repetitive mistake. When a cat speaks and you put a full stop, do not include 'He mewed' or 'She yowled', especially not with capitals. This looks like you're starting a new sentence when you're actually finishing one. Do something like this instead:


 * "You're not allowed in there," he mewed. (Use a comma instead of a full stop!)


 * You can use full stops during dialogue where each character is not labelled, when it's clear which character is speaking. Even then, do not include 'He mewed', 'She yowled', etc.


 * e.g


 * "You're not allowed in there," Warriorclaw mewed, (Beginning of dialogue labels the first speaker and uses a comma)


 * "I don't care what you say," I replied, sticking my nose in the air. (Second speaker is labelled)


 * "I'll tell Starstar." (A full stop is used, but this conversation is between two cats so it's clear Warriorclaw is speaking).


 * "You wouldn't dare! She's my mother." (Another full stop. It's clear I'm speaking).


 * I loved this story, so I'm giving it an 8 and a half. Millie  300 edits! 20:10, August 2, 2011 (UTC)


 * Got it. I'll fix it. Thanks! Shadey  Set Fire to the Wind...  21:25, August 2, 2011 (UTC) Shadewing


 * You've made the edit, right? It's looking much better. I'll highlight/bold something I mentioned in my last comment you forgot to do. I added an example for you too. :) Millie  300 edits! 05:53, August 3, 2011 (UTC)


 * You basically got everything I wanted to say, Millie. Great job, with the story and the criticism. 8 and a half. Night  fern 4000 Edits, Suckers! 01:45, August 4, 2011 (UTC)


 * Thanks guys! Shadey ''' undefinedSet Fire to the Wind...  01:54, August 4, 2011 (UTC) Shadewing

Ravenflight's Adventure~ Reviews and Suggestions
Well this is my story that I started that I think is really good but I need your opinion too you know! ;) Ravenflight00  18:56, August 2, 2011 (UTC)


 * 7- It's got a great plot and good characters, but you kind of... dragged out the first part. It was a little too slow moving at first. But good job! Shadey  Set Fire to the Wind...  21:47, August 2, 2011 (UTC) Shadewing

The Battle: Maplewind's Secret ~ Reviews and Suggestions
Here's the second story in Rising Thunder Series. Note: It's under construction. What do you think? Shadey  Set Fire to the Wind... 21:45, August 2, 2011 (UTC) Shadewing

'''I like it! The prologue is so mysterious and it drew me in the first couple of sentences! Ravenflight00 13:41, August 3, 2011 (UTC) '''

Thanks! Shadey ''' undefinedSet Fire to the Wind... 01:55, August 4, 2011 (UTC) Shadewing

A Different Kind Of War ~ Reviews and Suggestions
This is my newest fanfiction (And I worked hard coming up with the plot too) It's one of my best so far (I also left a request to join on the P:C page :P and I made sure that there were no grammatical errors.  England  Flying Mint Bunny 10:35, August 3, 2011 (UTC)

7. Nice job, Birdy. Definitely need to work on punctuation, though. You forgot a lot of periods and don't add a comma, exclamation, or period when cats talk. Don't forget you can join Project:SpellCheck and get users to do it for you, and add this template at the top of the story, please. But back to the story. I'm giving it a 7 because of the punctuation, and some sentences that should be joined, not separated:

"Flowerkit shook her head determined. And began to walk. Much to the other cats amazement."

A comma should be after "walk" instead of a period. Great job, though. Night fern 4000 Edits, Suckers! 01:52, August 4, 2011 (UTC)