Warriors Share Wiki:Create/Finished Critiques/Archive 1

Fluttering Wings
I have no idea who I want to review/critique this, but I'll just leave it up. I wrote this on the fly, so I see a lot of things wrong with it, and I want to know if it's just my imagination or not. xD Thanks to whoever volunteers! FP  |̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|  13:47, December 18, 2011 (UTC)


 * I will volunteer, so I can show how to give a critique like how I'm meaning. That didn't even make sense. Oh well.


 * I am going to rate this a 9. The spelling and grammar and near perfect, the plot is well thought out, and the characters have well developed personalities.


 * The plot is well thought out, and smooth. It flows nicely, and makes sense; you always know what's going on. There is no confusion as to what is happening and who is who. There is a lot of speaking, which is not a bad thing, and it does work, but I would put a little more description in it. I give it a 9.


 * The characters are nicely developed, and have strong personalities. From the beginning you can tell that Birdheart is depressed, Tanglestar is creepy and evil, Brambleface is kind and bubbly and Woodclaw is brave and proud. They each have evidently been thought out with care, and their lives, feelings and thoughts are very clear. Perhaps a little more descriptive material, again; I found myself struggling to create a mental image of the cats. They get an 8.


 * The content and the imagery get a 9 and 7 respectively. There was a fair amount of content, mostly the thoughts of Birdheart. I thought the use of these thoughts to give an insight into her past and Clan were pretty neat, and the way the thoughts and non dialogue sections were placed gives you a real sense of excitement, sadnees, fear and what Birdheart is feeling. I was slightly disappointed with the imagery. I got no sense of what the cats looked like, where they lived or what the territory looks like. Although I was impressed with the language and sensory description, I feel like there is a lack of imagery and descriptive language.


 * Spelling and Grammar' was excellent, well deserving of a 9. There were some parts, however, that I had to read a few times, or had to think it through. The first one was in part one, where Birdheart states that Birdbrain is not her name, but at the beginning of part two she says that it is, before contradicting herself again. I think something more flowing could be done with that. Also, in part six there is the part when Tanglestar is ranting about the bird. He says that Birdheart is the leader. At first I thought he meant of the Clan, but then realised he meant of the patrol. I think a little clarification in that section would be good.


 * Overall, I think this story is very well set out, with few mistakes, and a good storyline. Although there are some minor things I would change and add, it is overall and excellent story. 15:42, December 18, 2011 (UTC)

Ahh, well, I'll clear stuff up here- I like letting the reader create a mental image of the cat themselves, but I guess that isn't working. I'll change that. (although, I did say Woodclaw was buff. xD) I thought the "leader" thing was really messed up, but I really didn't know how to rephrase it and I hoped the reader would just know what I was talking about. xD The whole Birdbrain thing was another addition to her depression: "My name is Birdbrain. Well, actually, that's my nickname." It's telling the reader, basically, that she's pretty much lost confidence in herself, but continues telling you what's happening anyway. Thank you so much for the critique- the good critique, even better, and I'll make some changes as soon as I click "publish." :) FP   |̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|  16:14, December 18, 2011 (UTC)

The Ember
Who wants to critique, y'all? I think this is my best. :) 00:27, December 19, 2011 (UTC) Shadewing

I will. 15:49, December 27, 2011 (UTC)


 * Wow. 9. Although I think it started off slowly, it got better and better. I swear I nearly cried when Longwhisker left.
 * We'll start with the plot. The plot was well thought out, and kept me engrossed. As I have already said, the beginning was a bit slow, but the pace was picked up and made up for this later. There were two nice unexpected twists, which are always good. I never expected Longwhisker to Dapplefur's son, nor was I really expecting him to be exiled or Jaystar to be Ichwish's Father. Plot gets a 10. I think it was excellent.
 * Character's next. I got a real sense of who each cat was, and I felt like I could read their emotion. I could tell which cats were loyal, true, in love, and the rest of it. You can feel Icewish's fear that she has been tricked, Redstripe's love for her kits and sadness at giving them up and that Longwhisker loves Icewish. Characters get a 9. Perhaps a little more of appearance descriptions, or dramaticyness.
 * I'm going to skip straight to spelling and grammar, and give it 9. Very good. Few typos and stuff, but they just need proofreading out. Not difficult. There were some parts where I didn't get what was going on, but overall very good. To improve, try and clarify what is happening and stuff. But then, it could just be me. I do get confused easily. XD
 * Finally, Content and Imagery. They get 9 and 9. I liked the imagery, and there was a good mix of sensory, emotional and descriptive writing. Maybe a little more description on the setting, and the places, and little details, like eye colour and stuff. And the content. It had just the right amount of what I call 'fluffy stuff', little pointless descriptive stuff, and actually useful to the story stuff.
 * I think this is an excellent story, and I'm going to go read the rest of the series now! 19:13, December 27, 2011 (UTC)

The Battle: Maplewind's Secret
Alright, who wants to critique? 22:18, January 8, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

I will. 22:20, January 8, 2012 (UTC)

I don't mean to rush, but you still doing this? It's been 11 days. 03:06, January 20, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Once again, don't mean to rush, but it's been another 6 days. It's okay if you don't have time, we can get someone else to do it. 21:57, January 26, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

"we"? I would offer to critique but I have NEVER critiqued before XP I'm sure Leopard will get around to it

I'm sorry. Stress, more stress, and whatnot. Great. I'll do now. And anyway, who else would do it?

The plot gets a 9 from me. It's that sort of plot which is original, but so clichely warriors. Which I love. I loved the way that although we knew that Maplewind had betrayed the Clan, it still came as a bit of a shock. The characters were well thought out, getting an 8. I think they could be developed further, but the main desciption and personality is there. I loved Thunderpaw's personality, and the way that Maplewind was a cruel, cold character.

Spelling and grammar' are going to fetch and 8. I saw quite a few grammar issues. I'll try my best to explain. If a character speaks, and after you say 'He said', then you don't capitalise the 'he'. Like this. "Hello!" she said. But if they do something, like running off, then it becomes captialised. Like this. "Hello!" She ran off. I hope that made sense.

Content. I'm in mixed minds what to give content. Let's go with a half. 7.5. There was a lot going on, but yet there was not so much on the fluffy descriptive side. Which leads me onto Imagery. Which gets 8. For my liking, there was a little too much speech, and not enough description. I understand if that's your style, it's just not really the way I do things. I'd like to see a little more of the description, but I also think the way that you incorparated the description into the speech worked well.

Overall, I think this was a great story, and I see a lot of potential in you as a writer. 18:20, January 27, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah...that was my second story on here. When I was a suckish writer. xD But thanks. I've been been meaning to tune it up. 03:35, January 28, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Fading Starlight
I'd like some critique here. I am not sure who sould critique it, so do it if you want to. I'm proud of it. 21:39, December 18, 2011 (UTC)]]

I'll critique, if that's okay. Sounds like an interesting story! 02:47, December 21, 2011 (UTC) Shadewing

Still going to critique this? 15:47, December 27, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, sorry. I'm getting it done. 16:44, December 27, 2011 (UTC) Shadewing

Sure, it's alright, I'm working on the critique for The Ember too. :D 16:45, December 27, 2011 (UTC)

Not rushing it, but still working on this? 09:33, January 5, 2012 (UTC)

I'm really sorry, but I don't have time to critique it. I'm just too busy. I'm really sorry! :( 19:07, January 7, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

That's fine. Does anyone else want to take over? I will otherwise. 10:43, January 8, 2012 (UTC)

I have.

I'm craving more of this! An 8. It's unusual, lighthearted and a classic type warriors example.

The plot is different and unusual, which can be hard to get right with so many fanfictions and possible cliche's out there. Although it is classicly warriors, there is no cliche about it. Plot gets a 9. It is full, yet simple, and very addictive. It's a classic tale of 'Oh dear, my leader murders cats, and I've fallen in love with a loner, help, what do I do?' type thing. Possibly, to improve, flesh it out a bit.

Characters, Content get 9 and 8 respectively. Characters are good, well developed and well fleshed out. There is a real sense of the main characters. Blizzard and Graceglow, you can get a good sense of what their personalities are, and their emotion is to be expected. The lesser characters have less of this distinct personality, but the sub main (?) characters have quite a sense of this. Maybe flesh out you lesser characters. And for content, although not long chapters, nor particularly a lot of writing, there is a lot going on. Flesh it out some more, but don't take anything away.

Spelling and Grammar are both top notch. 9 each. There are probably some mistakes, but as I quickly reread it, I noticed nothing. Nothing at all, which is excellent.

Imagery is interesting. Although quite a lot of it, I still feel it is an 8. Though you descibe the cats and their surroundings and the emotion and whatnot plenty, I feel it is lack slightly on core description, like paragraphs of 'Gracglow could see that blahblah was blahblahing' and stuff. Although the imagery there is lovely, it is lacking in the simple descriptory stuff.

Overall, an excellent piece, and I'm looking forward to more. 12:52, January 28, 2012 (UTC)

Allegiance of the Ancients
I would like Forest to critique this. I think, also, if you haven't already, you should probably read the rest of the series. It might not make much sense without. 15:49, December 27, 2011 (UTC)

'Aight... give me a couple days to read it, I actually just discovered I have friends. (xD) FP   |̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|  17:23, December 27, 2011 (UTC)

I'm not rushing you, but still working on this? 09:32, January 5, 2012 (UTC)

Forest.... Please? I can't critique my own work? And I want you to do it. Please? 18:22, January 12, 2012 (UTC)

Gahhhhh it's finals, I am SOOOO sorry!!!! I have all this stuff to do in RL and I can tell you know that it isn't fun. I have downtime this weekend and I swear I will do it then. FP  |̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|  19:46, January 12, 2012 (UTC)

Forest has left so someone else needs to do this. Please. Anyone. Just give it a shot, it doesn't matter how good or bad. Please, I'm begging someone to do this. And I can't do my own. 20:09, February 1, 2012 (UTC)

I guess I could... Lemme read more about critiquing first :)

ok Your fanfic had a few spelling errors but almost every fanfic does. I found no grammar mistakes (Woohoo) I like this fanfic over-all. It was written with a lot of description and figuritive things, which I love! I think the only thing ok about it was that it was sort of like jayfeather's thing but it's fanfiction so that's what it is suppose to be. I think there is nothing you might want to add, it's Great!

(Is that a critique? :P)

Yeah, techniacllay. Next time probably add more, but still :D Thank you <3 17:38, February 7, 2012 (UTC)

ok I totally stinked on that last critique. Here is the NEW and IMPORVED one:

The plot is well thought out and I think it can be left how it is. Few spelling and grammar mistakes as I said before. I think once you have finished a fanfic you should always think about more to add, a few things you could add would be to describe the setting more and use more simlies and metaphors. I like the ending and it leaves me wanted to read what Leopardclaw will face next! All in all great fanfic, just needs a little improvement if the author thinks it's necessarily.

Sunstreak's Legacy
I'm quite proud of this. Only on Chapter 1. I don't care who critiques. 00:55, February 7, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

If no one else offers by Monday, then I'll do it. I always end up doing it anyway. 17:39, February 7, 2012 (UTC)

Well I could do it... I'll whip it up by Mon.

Alright, Little can do it. 14:18, February 11, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Sorry just noticed I can't... Leopard will have to do it, I have a play recital and Piano practice and a science project :(

Alright then. If Leopard's okay with that, of course. 21:56, February 13, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Is this still being critiqued by someone? Sorry, but it's been a week. 14:53, February 20, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Yeah, sorry, I just noticed this. I'll do it in a minute.... 15:35, February 21, 2012 (UTC)

That's fine. 02:26, February 23, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Amazing as ever Shadeh, 9. I was going to possibly even stretch to ten, but I am harsh, and there were a few things, tiny really, that I would change. Maybe 9.5, if we're doing halfs.

The plot, well, Twilight wolves? BLERGHHHH. I HATE TWILIGHT, in case you didn't already know. But the point is, this is unlike, but still like, if you get what I mean any other plotline I've ever seen. Though you've not given me much plot to work with, I'm going to enjoy seeing this flesh out, and so gaining an 8. It's well written, and well planned out. One thing, in the prologue, I find that it ends too abruptly, as if there was supposed to be another sentence.

Characters and Imagery, getting a 9 and 9 respectively, will be merged in this section. My first impressions of Sunstreak are that he is over confident, and likes picking fights. I love little Snowkit, he's bubbly and fun, but cheeky too. All the characters are well fleshed out, I get a real sense of each character's personality, even in the minor ones. The imagery is good, it allows me to see the Clan in my mind, and the cats, and I personally love that. I think you got the balance just right between speech and description.

Spelling and Grammar, everyone's favourite. I am going to award these each 10. No mistakes, I saw, not even one. It was consistent and lovely the whole way through.

And that's it! Truly, stunning Shadeh, I look up to you as a writer, I really do. I admire your writing. 08:23, February 23, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks so much Leopard! I promise you more excitement in the plot. The following books will be much more exciting. (Shadey, not signed in).

Ambition
Well, this one I love. Don't go too hard of grammar and spelling, though, cause you will find a lot of mistakes. I guess I'll try to find most of them while I can ;)

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">I do not care who reviews it.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;"><font color="#5cb3ff"><b style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; ">Littlewillow</b> <font color="A23CEC"><sup style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; ">LAUGH<sup style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; "> LAUGH <sub style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; ">LAUGH   22:34, February 26, 2012 (UTC)

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">I can critique, if it's okay with you. I'll try to get it done tonight, as I'll be basically internet-free all of tomorrow. 64.18.37.249 14:50, February 29, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Ok thanks!! :D <font color="#5cb3ff"><b style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; ">Littlewillow</b> <font color="A23CEC"><sup style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; ">LAUGH<sup style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; "> LAUGH <sub style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; ">LAUGH   23:29, March 3, 2012 (UTC)

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Alright, this won't be as good as Leopard's, but I'm going to try my best.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">The overall story receives an 8.5. It was very gripping and had a nice plotline, but it was rushed a bit and the chapters were small and didn't contain much. I also thought it could flow a tiny bit better.,

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">The charactes receive an 8. I could see some of their personalities, but I got confused as to what their motives were and all. But nicely done. Right off the bat, you make Wolfheart mysterious and Brookwater an easy suspect. Nicely done.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">The grammar gets a 9. I saw very few mistakes, just a few. Nice job.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">The imagery receives an '''8. '''Sometimes it was clear and sometimes it wasn't. But overall it was good.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">All in all, a very nice story Little. I'm sorry this isn't very good, but I'm in a hurry. Great job though. 00:26, March 6, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

In Your Arms
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">I'm very proud of this one. I think it's one of my (few) best ones. 02:40, February 23, 2012 (UTC)

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">I'll be willing to critique. When exactly I'll have it done is unclear, but it should be in the next 2-3 days. 02:50, February 23, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Sorry this took so long! I got very busy! But anyways, here we go.. (This won't be as good as Leopard's, but I'll do my best).

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">The whole story together gets a 9. It was very well done. The plot was gripping at some points, soft at others, and really flowed well. It was very well-balanced too. The characters were great, very developed. I could tell what each was thinking and feeling, and sometimes I felt like I was them. The opening really grabbed me and pulled me in.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">The imagery gets an 8. It was pretty good, but at times I got confused as to the surroundings. But nice job.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">The grammar gets an 8. I saw some mistakes, especially on dialogue. One of the biggest things was: (here's an example):

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">''"I like pie." Jasmine said. The sentence should be: "I like pie," Jasmine said. ''Just keep that in mind.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Overall, it was a great story, and I'm sorry this isn't like Leopard's, full of detail and all, but I'm in a hurry, I'm in school. Great job Silver. 14:37, February 29, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Newleaf of DawnClan
This is one of my absolute favourites. Silver or Millie to critique please; honestly, it's easier than you think, just base the layout and what you say off one of my old ones. 08:26, February 23, 2012 (UTC)

Right, I'm giving this up as a free-for-all. Anyone who wants it, take it, unless Silver or Millie want to do it. Just base it off an old one, and it'll be fine =P 21:17, March 5, 2012 (UTC)

Okay, I'll do it. This will be nothing compared to yours, Leopard, but I'm improving.

The plot receives a 9 It was great, but the beginning was the tiniest bit slow. I really enjoyed it though, very well-wrtitten. It flowed nicely too. I especially loved the gripping end of Chapter 3.

'''The characters receive a 9.5. '''I could see that Goldenheart was wise, Dawnstar was quite nervous at times and cared a lot about her Clan and Firesky. But I feel that at some times they were a little...flat.

'''The grammar receives a 9. '''I saw very few mistakes, just a few spelling errors and other little things. Not much there.

Overall, it was a great story. I really enjoyed it, and I admire your skills, Leopard. I know this wasn't good, but I am in a hurry. 00:21, March 20, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Thanks Shadeh, it's great. =P It gets a lot more bloodfilled annd exciting in the next one >:D 08:57, March 25, 2012 (UTC)

DeadClans: Series 1 Book 1
This was my first story I finished on this site. Anyone who wants to critique it can.

Watersong  &amp;   Spiderblaze <font color="#33ccff" style="background:white;"> Tails <font color="#397d02" style="background:white;"> Entwined <font color="#33ccff" style="background:white;"> in <font color="#397d02" style="background:white;"> Love  18:37, March 22, 2012 (UTC)

Am I allowed to critique? If so, I'll do it. Rowan fall <font color="#348017" style="background:white;"> All trees fall sometimes  08:37, March 23, 2012 (UTC)

Yes, Rowan, you are allowed. Go for it. 19:10, March 23, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Okay, I'll give my first critique a try! :

Plot gets a 8.5: it's beautiful! The plot is great! The prolouge wasn't that gripping, but the first chapter definetly was. The only real problem I had with it was that you should have made a big deal about how StarClan asked Deadcat to create a clan. We didn't even hear about it until near the end, which is fine, except for the fact that she just kinda said it, there was no dramatic revel or anything like that.

Characters gets a 9.5: characters' personalitys were very well put together. I could tell how much pain Deadcat was feeling, and how sad she was when her mother pretended she didn't exist anymore. I could also tell how Runningfire is usually nice, but the pain of one of her kits 'dying' had torn her up so that she wasn't nearly as nice before. Nightwhisker can be strict, but can tell when his friend needs him, and has the goodness inside him to help Deadcat instead of telling anyone that she was seeing a cat from another clan.

Grammar gets a 8: It wasn't too bad, mostly spelling errors and such, but at some points the grammar was messed up so bad that I could hardly tell what they meant. However, there were only a few of these, and if you went through it afterwards and spellchecked it, or hired a spellchecker, it would be perfectly fine.

Overall, the story is an 9. It is a beautiful and gripping story, and leaves the readers wishing for more. Rowan fall <font color="#348017" style="background:white;"> All trees fall sometimes  05:01, March 26, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks.

Watersong  &amp;   Spiderblaze  {C}<font color="#33ccff" style="background:white;"> Tails  {C}<font color="#397d02" style="background:white;"> Entwined  <font color="#33ccff" style="background:white;"> in <font color="#397d02" style="background:white;"> Love  06:52, March 26, 2012 (UTC)

Bravery and Sacrifice: Series 1 Book 1
Anyone can do this one.

Watersong  &amp;   Spiderblaze  <font color="#33ccff" style="background:white;">Tails <font color="#397d02" style="background:white;">Entwined  <font color="#33ccff" style="background:white;">in <font color="#397d02" style="background:white;"> Love  13:52, March 24, 2012 (UTC)

I'll take it. 20:50, March 24, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Here we go....

'''The plot receives an 8. '''I really liked the prologue the best. It grabbed me and pulled me in, the mysterious setting and the description of the moon and all. Very nice. But then I was a teensy bit disappointed, not a lot or anything, just a bit. The story lost some excitement, the way Digstar just came out and said he was going to take over the Clans, and how Rabbitstar just immediately died. Not much excitement there. But still, a solid plot.

'''The characters receive a 9. '''I think they were the best element. Right off the bat, I can see that Digstar doesn't want to hold back on his ambition, and how Frostwing is more cautious. Goldwing has some conflicting feelings throughout the story, very nice. Well done there.

'''The grammar receives an 8.5. '''Not too bad, just some little mistakes, but enough. Great job on those.

'''Overall, this story receives an 8. '''There is still room for improvement, as there always is, but it has laid a good foundation for a good series. Nice job.

(By the way, this wasn't counted in the grading or anything, but, you should probably put your allegiances on a separate page. Go look at another story if you need an example). 00:54, March 26, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Thanks.

Watersong  &amp;   Spiderblaze  <font color="#33ccff" style="background:white;">Tails <font color="#397d02" style="background:white;">Entwined  <font color="#33ccff" style="background:white;">in <font color="#397d02" style="background:white;"> Love  02:14, March 26, 2012 (UTC)

Spikyfur and Ladybug
soo.... is it good so far? Anyone can critique it. Rowan fall <font color="#348017" style="background:white;"> All trees fall sometimes  21:08, March 22, 2012 (UTC)

If no one is up for it I would love to! I will try to get it to you by Sunday, fair? <font color="#5cb3ff">Littlewillow <font color="A23CEC">LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH 00:33, March 23, 2012 (UTC)

I added to it, and sorry, I just realised that I forgot to spellcheck it before putting it up here, do you mind that I did a quick spellcheck? Rowan fall <font color="#348017" style="background:white;"> All trees fall sometimes  06:39, March 26, 2012 (UTC)

Rowan, are you done with your spellcheck? And is Little still doing this? 22:36, March 29, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

yes, and I have no idea. Rowan fall <font color="orange" style="background:white;"> *Glass Clink* <font color="purple" style="background:white;"> Poison! <font color="red" style="background:white;"> I mean... <font color="purple" style="background:white;"> Cheers!  23:48, March 29, 2012 (UTC)

Don't mean to rush or anything, but if she doesn't get it up soon I will do it. 00:48, March 30, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Seeing as it has been two more days, I will take over this critique.

'''The plot receives a 9. '''Quite an interesting story, a sort of romance/drama/Warriors cross. I enjoyed it thoroughly. It wa well-timed, well-developed, and flowed nicely. I really liked your grabber opening and how everything unfolded.

'''The characters receive a 9.5. '''The best element of the story by far. Right away I could tell Spikyfur was hiding sadness inside of him, and that he wasn't what he seemed. I could also see how Ladybug longed for life. Darkfish was very cruel and evil. All characers were well-developed, and you expressed their emotions very well. Excellent job.

Grammar receives an 8.5 Not too many mistakes, just a few here and there, but enough to bring down the rating. I saw quite a few in the dialogue parts and a few capitilization errors, but that's about all. Just fix those up and you're all set!

'''Overall, this story receives a 9. '''Excellent job, Rowanfall. I enjoyed this piece, and I look forward to your future works. 20:57, April 1, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Thank you, Shadewing. Rowan fall <font color="orange" style="background:white;"> *Glass Clink* <font color="purple" style="background:white;"> Poison! <font color="red" style="background:white;"> I mean... <font color="purple" style="background:white;"> Cheers!  21:05, April 1, 2012 (UTC)

DuskClan's Greenleaf
Go ahead, anyone who wants. Remember about the new critiques guide! 18:31, March 27, 2012 (UTC)

I'll do it in a day or two.

Watersong  &amp;   Spiderblaze <font color="#33ccff" style="background:white;"> Tails <font color="#397d02" style="background:white;"> Entwined <font color="#33ccff" style="background:white;"> in <font color="#397d02" style="background:white;"> Love  05:39, March 28, 2012 (UTC)

You still working on this? 20:33, April 1, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

It's okay if you aren't or you can't, but if it doesn't go up in a few days then I can take over. 13:13, April 2, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Oops. I forgot, sorry I will do it now.

Watersong  &amp;   Spiderblaze <font color="#33ccff" style="background:white;"> Tails <font color="#397d02" style="background:white;"> Entwined <font color="#33ccff" style="background:white;"> in <font color="#397d02" style="background:white;"> Love  02:32, April 6, 2012 (UTC)

Plot receives a 9 The plot was good and I like how the suspense built up. Though the battle at the end seemed to be too fat and too easily won. Also, I didn't get why it was surprising that the Dusk One was Jay.

Characters receives a 9.5 I liked how Dusk was arrogant and confident enough to bring GingerClan an use them to attack. I also liked how Lithium even though she seems nice, can turn against cats she knows.

Grammar receives a 9.5 There were a few mistakes in the story, but none of them were bad enough to confuse the reader of what the sentence meant.

Overall it receives a 9.5.

Watersong  &amp;   Spiderblaze  {C}<font color="#33ccff" style="background:white;"> Tails  {C}<font color="#397d02" style="background:white;"> Entwined  <font color="#33ccff" style="background:white;"> in <font color="#397d02" style="background:white;"> Love  02:44, April 6, 2012 (UTC)

Moon(TNC)
I spellchecked it and made sure that everythign was right, so I'm putting it up. Question: if you put up a story here and it gets an unsatisfactory review, can you fix it and put it back up? Rowan fall <font color="orange" style="background:white;"> *Glass Clink* <font color="purple" style="background:white;"> Poison! <font color="red" style="background:white;"> I mean... <font color="purple" style="background:white;"> Cheers!  11:40, April 5, 2012 (UTC)

I will critique this, if that's okay. And, about your question, I will ask Leopard or you can do it if you like. 15:21, April 6, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Yes. You can. As many times as you want. 15:50, April 10, 2012 (UTC)

I'm sorry, but I won't be able to do this. Can someone else take over? 19:48, April 14, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Yep, I can. 08:41, April 15, 2012 (UTC)

Still working on this? Sorry, but it's been a week. If you can't, I'll try to or someone else can. 16:15, April 22, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Ack, I forgot! I'm so sorry! Give me three minutes... 19:31, April 22, 2012 (UTC)


 * Overall, 9. I love the idea; and it's exciting without being repetitive or long winded.
 * 'Einen Plotten is fresh, though very much a continue of the series, getting it a 9. I found it good the way you included old characters, but new enemies, and the way that the Clans seem to have actually come from the battle. Greystripe for leader! <3
 * I'll award 8 for Characters', I liked the way that you made them who they were in the series, rather than morphing them into your own interpretation. In the prologue, however, I found there was an over use of 'The brown tom' and 'The blue grey she-cat'. Once or twice, yes, but I think you put it in once too many.
 * Content, Imagery, 9 and 8-and-a-bit. Content was fab, there was enough suspense to keep me reading, there was enough new stuff for it to be interesting, but it was tied together cleverly so it could just be the next story in the series. Imagery was good. For my liking, there was enough-just not enough. I personally like stories to ooze imagery (I hope mine do x3), but the stuff that was there was still good. Again, keep away from the excessive colour code.
 * Spelling and the grammar, 9.5. Very few mistakes, I saw about 2. I didn't mark this, but sort out that spacing in the prologue and start of C1. It's a mess. x3
 * Overall, an excellent piece, and I can't wait for more! 19:57, April 22, 2012 (UTC)


 * Thanks, Leo. And about the spacing- I tried, but I can't fix it. there's something strange, ad it won't let me fix it.

22:56, April 22, 2012 (UTC)

I am Only One
First songfic critique! I've updated the guide, so that Songfics are included =D 10:02, April 14, 2012 (UTC)

I'd be happy to do this. It'll be up by, hopefully, Wednesday. 16:16, April 22, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

'''The Song receives a 10. '''It just...fits so perfectly! The way you tie it in with the cats thoughts is amazing! I really loved it! You can just see that Leopardclaw is all alone through the song lyrics, especially at the end.

'''The Additional Text (Cats thoughts/Words) receives a 10. '''I can't find a single thing wrong. It's so amazing! Really, I could just feel every emotion Leopardclaw felt. It was so haunting but beautiful. Excellent work. I love the ending, where you merge the song with the text. That's really creative. And the last line is just...superb. Really, great work.

'''Overall, this receives a 10. '''Beautiful. Just beautiful. I can't find a single flaw, Leopard. It's just perfect. I can't even describe how good it is.

I'm really sorry how short this was, but I'm not really supposed to be on the computer right now so I'm in a hurry. Great job! 22:32, April 26, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

The Way it is Series
Not finished, but I'm proud all the same. 8D 15:46, June 1, 2012 (UTC)

Unless you want one of us to do this, I think Little and I should refrain from doing this one as well so that other users can have a chance. 20:32, June 1, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

That might be a good idea. 20:47, June 1, 2012 (UTC)

I'll do it. BTW, do you mean I should do a critque for the whole series? Rowan fall "You see?You see what comes of battle?" 15:08, June 4, 2012 (UTC)

Yup. 15:47, June 4, 2012 (UTC)

Plot recives a 10 Beautiful plot! It gets all twisted an evil, just enough to keep the reader hanging on to every word, but no so much as to confuse. I see nothing to improve here.

Characters recives a 10  I could easily see the personality of each character. I knew Dawnstar was too brave to simply give up her clan, that Dusk wanted power but wasn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, that Lithuim wasn't evila nd didn't want to follow the orders of the others but did so because she had to, and much more. Nothing to improve here, either.

Grammar recives a 9 Good grammar, i saw a few mistakes, but only, like, one for every other chapter. They are mostly misspellings, like you were simply typing too fast or hit the wrong keys :).

All-in-all, it recives a 9.5 This was a wonderful series, and I can't wait for you to continue it. At least, I hope it's not over, that'd just be cruel xDDD. I'll keep an eye on it to see when you update! Rowan fall "You see?You see what comes of battle?" 16:43, June 4, 2012 (UTC)

Thank you, Rowan <3 It's certainly not over! There's almost ceritainly going to be a TWIW, and perhaps a TWIWB if you're lucky =) I'll let you guess. 19:56, June 9, 2012 (UTC)

Embark on Fate's Journey
I haven't put anything up for awhile so... yeah. I'll go spellcheck it now, so by the time someone sees this it will be done XDDD (It'll take me about two seconds to spellcheck it, anyway)  Rowan  fall "You see?You see what comes of battle?" 15:09, June 4, 2012 (UTC)

I'll do it. It may not be done for a couple days, though, because I've got finals this week. 20:22, June 5, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Alright, here we go...

'''The plot receives a 9. '''Excellent. I love the beginning. It's a real grabber, and it kept me reading. I also love the escalation of the plot, especially the romance between Heathernose and Rowanfall. Great job on that.

'''The characters receive a 9.5. '''Probably the best element of the story were the characters. You can really feel their emotions. Rowanfall's stress, Heathernose's love for her, and Heartface's confusion and cluelessness. Great job on that as well.

'''The grammar receives a 10. '''I couldn't find a single mistake, not one. Excellent.

Overall, this story is a really good one and I can't wait to see more of your work. Sorry that this is so short, I'm not supposed to be on the internet right now. Great job! 16:11, June 10, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Sun
I'm done! Spellchecking done, typing done, now I just need it critiqued! Rowan fall "You see?You see what comes of battle?" 19:45, June 9, 2012 (UTC)

I'll do it. I'm not exactly sure when it will be done. Count on in the next couple days. 14:15, June 11, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

'''The plot receives a 9.5. '''Excellent. I really love the storyline, it's very creative, with a dark edge to it. The prologue was amazing. It just pulled me right in. I love how it was so mysterious. Great job.

'''The characters receive a 9. '''Very good. The kits are so carefree, Sunlight is annoyed at being treated like a kit and always is worrying about reporting to Moon. I can feel each emotion from each cat. Graystripe's leader ceremony was awesome. You did a really good job of describing each of his feelings toward the cats who gave him lives. Loved it.

'''Grammar receives an 8.5. '''Some mistakes, mainly spelling, but nothing that can't be fixed.

Overall, it was a great story. I really like your work, Rowan. 13:27, June 12, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Thanks, but to be fair, Graystripe's ceremony was written by Leopard. I asked her to write it since I'm not good with coming up with nine lives and such :(  Rowan  fall "You see?You see what comes of battle?"  04:59, June 14, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah I saw that. Still, a great story. :) 17:19, June 14, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Sleep Well, My Angel ~ Leopardclaw and Cross-scar
I'd like someone other than Little, or Shadeh to do this, please =D 20:47, June 1, 2012 (UTC)

Leopard, you might want to sign. xD 20:35, June 1, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Yeah, well I had other things on my mind x3 20:47, June 1, 2012 (UTC)

Someone needs to do this. If no one takes it in the next three days, then I might have to. Sorry, Leopard, if that's not what you want. 14:14, June 11, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

It's fine. =) 16:29, June 11, 2012 (UTC)

Well, um, seeing as no one has done it...I'll do it, if you want. It may not be up today, it all depends on if my Wi-Fi is on or not. 13:19, June 15, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

I'm so sorry, Leopard. I'll have it up soon, I promise. 01:02, June 25, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

It's fine Shadeh. You have life too =) 10:48, June 25, 2012 (UTC)

Finally, it is up!

'''The song/lyrics receive a 10. '''Absolutely fantastic. The song fits them perfectly, so romantic, dark, but so beautiful. It seems to just scream Leopardclaw's heartache and Cross-scar's love. Outstanding.

'''The characters/dialogue receives a 10. '''Once again, phenomenal. I love the Graystripe/Silverstream reference! It fits so well to the story! And I love how you included the voice of an unknown cat. Very creative. And Cross-scar's words were so....beautiful. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time.

'''Overall, it receives a 10. '''Leopard, you are like a songfic goddess. Your stuff is so flippin' amazing I want to die. Awesome, awesome, awesome! 21:16, June 27, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Flippin' Amazing? Agreed, Shadey! Littlewillow! "Five millon cybermen, easy.   One Doctor?   Now you're scared!"  21:16, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

Not Alone
=D My Best.Work.Ever. 01:49, June 23, 2012 (UTC)

I so want to do this one. It'll be up in the next few days. xD 02:01, June 23, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Here we go!

'''The plot receives a 10. '''I'm speechless, Silver. It's beautiful, absolutely beautiful. It goes from sad and dark to loving and bright to sad and beautiful to....so many things. Amazing. I love the romance, the sorrow, the pain, everything. Duckpaw's blinding and the ending nearly broke my heart.

'''The characters receive a 10. '''Once again, amazing. Duckpaw is so rough on the outside, but sad, soft, and hurt on the inside. I love how Amberpaw tries so hard to figure him out, and how he gets so annoyed with her. The rest of the Clan is so horrible to him, and his reactions are perfectly done. Awesome. And of course, the ending is gorgeous, with the whole suicide thing and the love has a name part.

'''The grammar receives a 9. '''I did see some mistakes, mainly punctuation, but that's easy to fix.

Overall, Silver, this is amazing. It's your best. It's so beautiful, so full of love, and sadness, and pain, and anger, and so much more all at the same time. You need to do more stuff like this. It's a masterpiece. 16:31, June 28, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

I, like, just saw this. XD Thanks, Shadey, and I'm planning on doing Hymn for the Missing, which is Amberpaw's point of view after Duckpaw's incident. x3 I do agree this was my best work, because everything else is poop. =P Thanks again! 20:45, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

Mirror Image
Yay for first critiques, I need to get used to them, might as well start now, anyways, I think this is my best work ever, and I want either Milleh or Leo to critique this, because I think they're the only ones to have finished it through and through (Milleh I know, Leo I'm not so sure x3) Anyways, yesh, don't be gentle, gentleness never helps (Even though I am slightly terrified) x3, I fixed it up and everything, fixed most of the mistakes I saw, especially spelling and grammar. "That's a great idea!" <sup style="font-family:Arial Bold;color:#9C6B40">"Well, not really."  01:29, June 29, 2012 (UTC)

Bird, I was waiting for you to put this up here. I wish I could critique this... Oh well. And I did finish it! Littlewillow! "Five millon cybermen, easy.   One Doctor?   Now you're scared!"  12:06, June 29, 2012 (UTC)

Little, why not? Give me a reason. So yes, you can. Le fin. Yey for not reading stuff x.x I will... soon x3 20:38, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

Yay, yay, yay, critique! So, here I go:

The grammar/spelling gets a 9. There's still a few mistakes in there, but you've worked so hard fixing it up without a spellchecker! Good for you, Birdeh! :D

The characters and dialogue get a 9 and 1/2 (I just have to pull out the fractions, don't I? XD). The dialogue was fantastic! Everything flowed really nicely. The only reason for the 9 and 1/2 was because not all the characters had a distinct personality. It's okay with the background characters, but some of the main characters (e.g Heronpaw at times and occasionally Coal) were missing an element of personality or two at times that could've been there. Like... let me give you an example... I can't really tell what Heronpaw's personality is.

Coal is my favourite character. He had personality and showed so much promise. He reminds me of a character I really like in an anime. A cool big bro with a sweet centre and a bad past. :3

And Cyprus would be my second fav. He's so cuuuute <3

The plot gets a 10. It's a brilliant, well-planned plot. It's just... fantastic. Even though Flaresky died, I still think the plot was great. And I love the little bits of..writing in italics (don't know what else to call them XD) at the beginning of each chapter. They relate so much to the story and really attract my interest.

Here comes my favourite bit- love interests. I know that somewhere deep in your brain, Bird, you've got a romance line for this plot, don't you? *nudgenudge* I was supporting Flare X Heron, but we all know how that turned out. XD

Overall, it receives a 9 and 3/4 (*referencecoughcough*). I think by developing the characters a bit in the next story would make it even better. But the plot was just awesome and it blew me away and I'm really looking forward to what happens in the next story. Keep writing awesome stories Birdeh! :D

<span style="font-family:Monotype Corsiva; color:#571B7E; background:#2554C7; border:2px solid #151B54; -moz-border-radius: 1em; -webkit-border-radius: 1em; color:#151B54;"> Millie  Purple   is   Perfection  23:32, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

(Even though I'm not apart of this) All agreed Millie. Even the fractions XD! I called the italic things captions... Littlewillow!  "Five millon cybermen, easy.   One Doctor?   Now you're scared!"  00:20, July 6, 2012 (UTC)

Breathe ~ Icewing and Longwhisker
My first songfic! I don't care who critiques! 16:24, June 28, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

I will, I haven't in a while. 20:39, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

Leopard.... 20:14, July 11, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Still nothing.... 13:33, July 14, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

I'm so sorry, I have a lot on my mind.

Overall, this gets a 9.5 <3

Spelling, Grammar 10. I saw nothing, so nothing really to say.

Lyric choice, 10, it fit perfectly. I thought it reflected their feelings very nicely indeed, and I can't really think of what else to say right now. x3

Characters/Dialogue, 9.5. it flowed nicely with the lyrics, and you got a real sense of feeling from them. Basically, you get 9.5 as I never give full marks x3

Call me a songfic godess? 14:46, July 14, 2012 (UTC)

It's fine, Leopard, and thanks. 18:13, July 14, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Sunstreak's Legacy
It's finally done! I don't care who critiques, but someone other than Leopard, so that we get some new users critiquing! 18:46, July 6, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

I will.

Splash's river, it has fish! &gt;&lt;)))•&gt;  20:14, July 10, 2012 (UTC)

Still doing this? 16:00, July 15, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Splash.... 19:54, July 17, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

I'll do it now. Splash's River &gt;&lt;)))•&gt;     it has fish! &gt;&lt;)))•&gt;   16:53, July 18, 2012 (UTC)

Here I go...

The plot receives a 9.5 The whole story made me wanting to read more, and found what would happen next. The only thing I didn't like about the story is that there was no really big build up to the part where Petalpaw tells Snowfire that she likes him. We could tell that Snowfire did like her, but it came slightly too quickly.

The characters receive a 9.5 I could tell that Petalpaw was calmer than her sibling, and that Shadowsplash was acting strangely.

The grammar receives a 10 I did not notice one grammar mistake the entire time reading.

Overall the story receives a 9.5 It is very suspenseful, and I know that many people will be wanting more. Splash's River &gt;&lt;)))•&gt;     it has fish! &gt;&lt;)))•&gt;   17:31, July 18, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks! 23:57, July 18, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

The Rise Series
Never had a proper full review on this. Not Shadeh preferably please x3 11:49, July 23, 2012 (UTC)

I'll do it. Splash's River &gt;&lt;)))•&gt;    it has fish! &gt;&lt;)))•&gt;   11:56, July 23, 2012 (UTC)

Still doing this? 15:41, July 27, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

I'm going to do it later today. Splash's River    it has fish! &gt;&lt;)))•&gt;   16:10, July 27, 2012 (UTC)

Okay, that's fine. :) 17:02, July 27, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

I was going to do this last night, but then the Olympics came on, so I am giving it to you today.

Plot gets a 9 Not that suspenseful, and it didn't really build up the much. There were a few dramatic moments, but not as dramatic as they could have been. It was an intersecting plot though, and had an interesting solution.

Characters gets a 9 I don't really like it how Leaoprdclaw always seemed to know what had to been done. She never really ran into any issue she couldn't resolve.

Grammar and spelling gets a 9 There were one or two mistake, that I had to really think about before understanding what you were trying to say, but almost all of the mistakes were at the begging. The later books had almost none.

Overall the story gets a 9 it's intersecting, and has a few really good moments. Splash's River    it has fish! &gt;&lt;)))•&gt;   22:54, July 28, 2012 (UTC)

Thank you. 08:46, August 1, 2012 (UTC)

Fire Water
Not anymore. :D

Could someone critique this for me?

C l o u d C l a n           i s     S o f t l y F a l l i n g                o n e      d e a t h        a t     a    t i m e      18:04, August 13, 2012 (UTC)

I will~ Give me some time, I'll do it :> What <sup style="font-family:Arial Bold;color:#1C8T89">Do you want?  19:05, August 13, 2012 (UTC)

Here we go~

'''The plot recieves a 9. '''I really loved the plot idea, although I got lost at some points (But that could have just been me), but I quickly got back on track, but again, the plot is pretty epic if you read carefully and understand what's going on around the cats.

The characters recieve a 9 1/2. I could really tell Wildpaw cared for Silverpaw, even though sometimes I got lost to what the characters were talking about (Then again, I don't pay attention much, but still...). I like Wildpaw, he seems like a loyal and caring friend x3.

The grammar recieves a 9. I did see some mistakes, mainly grammar, but that's an easy fix, everyone makes grammar mistakes~

Overall This is a pretty epic story Splasheh, but I wish the chapters were a bit longer because I love long chapters (But that's a preferance, not everyone likes long chapters x3, some people like short chapters.)

So yeah, that's my critique, but it's also an opinion, someone may have a different opinion then me :>

But other than that, epic story. What <sup style="font-family:Arial Bold;color:#1C8T89">Do you want?  19:05, August 13, 2012 (UTC)

Splashcloud...you are the best. xD 00:37, August 14, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

The Strongest Rowan
I haven't put something up in this project in awhie... I plan on being more active in all the projects from now on, so never fear. Anyway, I tried to put more emotion into this fic and I hope it's as good as/ better the rest of the series. Rowan fall "You see?You see what comes of battle?" 08:40, August 17, 2012 (UTC)

Thank you, Rowan. I will critique this ~ 09:50, August 17, 2012 (UTC)

Is this still being done? 12:44, August 30, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

I guess I'll take care of it. Not sure when it will be done, possibly now, no later than tomorrow. 16:18, September 2, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Shadeh, don't worry, I've got it. You know how terribly bad my memory is.

Overall, a 9. I loved it!

Spelling and grammar get 9. Only a few small typos, nothing much. Notably 'xplanation', I noticed XD

Content I'm going to go all out and give 10. There was a lot going on, but not too much, somehow if there had been any less I think the story may have become more watered down. Excellent ~

Characters, 8. Having not read the previous one, I didn't know the characters perhaps as well as I could have done. The characterization was very good, however. That scary dog was scary, Heartface was lovely, Rowanfall was a very strong main character. I thought the main characters were very well thought out, namely Rowanfall and Heartface, I got a real sense of who they were. The others were well built up, but I thought they were somewhat lacking that fire that the other two had.

Imagery and Plot, 9 and 9. I don't often group these two, but I am going to now (Totally not because I forgot about plot c:). The imagery was very well done, from the scary forest to the dark nights and the colours of the cat's pelts. The plot was also very well woven, it wasn't an old cliche, nor completly stupidly to busy. It was just right.

So overall, very, very well done. I liked it a lot ~ 16:53, September 2, 2012 (UTC)

Blood Lies
I'd like a proper critique on this. I would like one of the new people to the project to do it, so Sky, Avalanche, Violet, Pink - not Shadeh under any circumstances. Okay? Good. 17:38, September 5, 2012 (UTC)

I give it an 8 out of 10. Very well written but I felt it was kind of short. Some parts were a little harder to understand but overall the plot was great :)

20:26, September 20, 2012 (UTC)

I give this a 10! Wonderful as always Claws! Awesome!Hello my name is Indgo Montoya, You have killed my father, Prepare to die! (talk) 13:25, September 21, 2012 (UTC)Pinkgreenandblueclaws

Can I just say for next time, have a look at the Critique Guide, because critiques are really supposed to be a lot more detailed. Thank you for reviewing though. 16:18, September 21, 2012 (UTC)

Nine Lives
I think it's time Webstar got some proper critique. Let's mix it up - one of the older people can do this; Little, Millie, Splash, Bird. Not Shadeh, not at all. 17:38, September 5, 2012 (UTC)

I'll do it, just give me a bit x3. Birdpaw <sup style="font-family:Arial Bold;color:#6E8T87">Hello  19:54, September 20, 2012 (UTC)

Okay, here I go (Was reviewing the story)

The grammar/spelling gets a 10.

I did not find one mistake, your grammar is awesome as always Leo! But hey, if you do find mistakes in there on a second way through, compared to my grammar, it'll still stay a ten for me. (Better then mine :P)

The characters and Dialogue get a 9 1/2.

The characters were well developed, although sometimes I got lost at what was going on, and what the characters were talking about, (I lose attention very easily so this could be me, I think I get my dad's ADD, oh well x3...)

Other then that, it's perfect! Webstar is really well developed.

The plot gets a 10.

The plot was amazing! When I first read it, I thought it would be Webstar to lose his nine lives, but it was just the cats he loved that lost their lives before them. It really flowed and it was awesome! And you made the nine lives thing mean something else then Webstar himself losing his nine lives! I liked that x3.

Overall, it recieves a 10

Yeah, this short story is awesome! You should make more stories like this Leo~ Birdpaw <sup style="font-family:Arial Bold;color:#6E8T87">Hello  20:07, September 20, 2012 (UTC)

Thank you Bird! Not as bad at critiquing as you say you are! And short...? Nine Lives? If you say so. XD 16:19, September 21, 2012 (UTC)

Snow Awakens The Storm
Third book in Forgotten Clan Series. I don't like it that much. I would like Rowan to critique this, if she can. 12:44, August 30, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Rowan? Still doing this?

She hasn't responded. I left her a message on her talk page... 70.194.8.83 23:18, September 7, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Oops I didn;t sign. I think that's what we should start doing, messaging the users who need to critique - You have been asked to critique This Story by This User on P:C! 13:16, September 8, 2012 (UTC)

Look at me, being all forgetful and inactive! XD I'll start working on this right now. Rowan fall "You see?You see what comes of battle?" 19:28, September 20, 2012 (UTC)

Want me to just archive it? 00:53, October 18, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

She get one more chance. If she doesn't do it by the 20th then I'll do it. 16:18, October 18, 2012 (UTC)

I'm about ready to do it myself. And give myself a terrible rating. But whatever, I understand that everyone is busy. I can just archive it if needed. :) 20:46, October 24, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

*epicfacepalm* I'm so sorry Shadeh, honestly I forgot. I'm so sorry. I give it an 8.

Characters were good, getting an 8. Redstar is bloody evil, Blizzardstar is awesome, Snowfire is awesome too, but very emotionally conflicted. I get a good sense of what each of the main characters is like, and why they do what they do. I like it ~

Plot and Imagery and content get a 8 and 9 and 7 respectively. The plot was good, don't get me wrong, but I think it's one of the weaker ones of the series. Not a lot happens if you get my drift. I found it a bit fillerishy, necessary but a bit iffy, as such. There could have been more going on, but also I think if there had been a lot more going on, it would have been too much. It good, but it just wasn't it. The imagery, however, was excellent. I could see the places in my mind, I could visualise the cats and I could see the evil and conflict in their eyes <3

Spelling and grammar must get a 10. I saw nothing, literally. Okay, there may have been the odd typo, but I didn't see one, and nothing is perfect. But this was damn close x3 I literally cannot fault the grammar.

So, overall 8. Loving the series, btw <3 13:51, October 26, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah, I didn't like this one very much either, Leopard. Thanks. :) 12:21, November 4, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Lighting Streaks Across the Sky
It's time for my first story to have some critiqueHello my name is Indgo Montoya, You have killed my father, Prepare to die! (talk) 10:03, September 20, 2012 (UTC)pinkgreenandblueclaws

I'll critique it as sson as i read it. ♥ A  v  a  l  a  n  c  h  e   Love  ♥  22:58, September 21, 2012 (UTC)

If it's not done by the end of this week I'll take over. 00:52, October 18, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

Fine by me.Hello my name is Indgo Montoya, You have killed my father, Prepare to die! (talk) 05:26, October 21, 2012 (UTC)pinkgreenandbuleclaws

Guess I'm doing it then. I'll get it done in the next couple days. Can't do it right now. 20:47, October 24, 2012 (UTC) Shadewing

It's okay, I don't expect anything.Hello my name is Indgo Montoya, You have killed my father, Prepare to die! (talk) 01:28, October 25, 2012 (UTC)pinkgreenandblueclaws

Crituqe:

I give this story 4 stars. Nice going on the plot, grammer and spelling are ok. If you are writing another fanfic, check out my tutorial! Gone Squatchin&#39; (talk) 00:35, November 23, 2012 (UTC)

Please be more specific. That is not a critique. Please read the information at the top of the page before making any other critiques. Thank you for trying, though. 17:00, November 26, 2012 (UTC)

I'll give this a critique, it's gone long enough. Overall I give it a 7.

The plot and 'content are good, they get a 9 and an 8. It's an original idea, lighthearted and good to read. It could do with a little development, but generally it's good and well thought out. There is a fair amount of dialogue, but it's balanced out quite well with description, which I like a lot.

The characters get an 8, they could do with being developed a little more: what do they look like? Other than basic things like that, I got a good sense of their personality; Lightingpaw is brave and awesome, Coconutkit is playful and cheerful.

The spelling and grammar get a 7. The grammar is generally good, but the spelling could do with some work. I'm sure there's not much that a little proofreading couldn't fix, for example there are quite a few misspellings of Thunderstar, nood (nod) etc. Also, your capitalisation for names and the like need work.

Imagery gets a 7. It would be nice if there was a little more description of what the cats and camp look like, I can see very little of this. However, as I said before, there is a good a balance between speech and description.

So, that's it x3 17:28, December 1, 2012 (UTC)